Uxbridge is terrible, but I love it

The title pretty much explains it all – it sure as hell sucks, financially and mentally, being exiled to Zone 6. But at the same time, I’m lucky to be surrounded by so much culture and excitement that only those who live further along the Met Line than Harrow-on-the-Hill can relate to.

I get seats on the Tube commuting to Central, guaranteed

Feeling like Britney Spears whilst badly miming along to the ‘This is an all-stations Metropolitan line train to Uxbridge/Aldgate’ is becoming somewhat of a tradition, whether I’m alone or whether I’m with friends. People look at me funny – but that’s normal.

One perk of living in West London, a perk that simply isn’t replicated elsewhere, is the beauty of being able to slump in a seat during a miserable Monday morning commute into Central.

It’s slightly cheaper here

Take 65p jam doughnuts in Tesco as an example – other supermarkets are available. Were I to pick these up in Uxbridge Tesco, I’d pay 65p like anyone else across the U.K. would pay. Picking these up in the extortive Zone 1 Tesco stores would set me back an extra 3p – something I can’t blame on Brexit.

Sleep is great, and we have more of it than Central does

We don’t have a Night Tube to let us enjoy a fully-functional nightlife. Instead, we’re forced to rely upon a network of poorly-maintained Routemaster buses into the night. We have piss-poor nightclubs like Academy in Brunel and Liquid in Uxbridge – unless we want to fork over a tenner each to Uber our way back to home.

Basically, cause of f-all to do at night, we are confined to our beds to do little else than sleep.

We can’t own bikes, so our rates of bike accidents are lower!

Bikes get stolen if you live within a 5-mile radius of Brunel. They just do.

Isambard stands over us at night to protect us all

Farmers pay attention – to defend your crops from birds, use Brunel’s clever combination of Harris Hawks and bronze statues to prevent birds from shitting on you during a good day. I’m proud to say, since starting at Brunel, I’m yet to be shat on by a bird.

Our WiFi’s pretty fast, tbh

If had to choose just one thing I miss when I visit my home in Kent, it would be Brunel’s WiFi over anything else. Providing you’re not getting ‘just-a-minute’-ed for watching naughty things – pro-tip guys, use Opera VPN – the WiFi here is pretty nice.

We have Yardbird

…oh wait, they’re leaving in May. Fun fact about Sodexo, they also manage bin collections and prisons.

We have Frappucinos

Ah yeah, Yardbird can go do one. Loco’s does Frapps, which basically define summer at Brunel.